A Sex Textbook to Update Your Couple's Bond 1: A Dialogue, Not Erotica

In Japan, a deeply rooted tendency remains to view talking about sex as "embarrassing" or a "shameful topic," treating it as a taboo even between partners.

On the other hand, in Western countries, a culture that views sex as an "important indicator for deepening the compatibility and bond between two people" is widely prevalent. It is not uncommon to speak frankly about sexuality or to confirm each other's views even before dating.

Of course, the Western style is not necessarily perfect in every way. However, "sex is something you do together." To build a relationship where both parties feel comfortable and fulfilled, the process of exchanging words and aligning with each other is indispensable.

The reality of sex in Japan as seen through data

How much do Japanese couples actually connect emotionally in the bedroom?

A survey on sex conducted by the magazine "anan" (targeting ages 25–39) has brought the gap between modern men and women to the surface.

• The daily temperature difference in sexual desire

  • While 56% of men answered that they "have moments where they want to have sex on a daily basis," this figure remained at only 32% for women.

• Recognition gap regarding orgasms

  • While 68% of men answered that they "led their partner to an orgasm," only 44% of women responded that they "actually experienced an orgasm."

• Difference in feelings toward oral sex

  • More than half of men answered that they "like both giving and receiving," whereas more than half of women answered that they "dislike both."

What these figures reveal is a "major discrepancy between men and women in sexual satisfaction and perception."

It can be said that the background of sex being considered taboo for women, along with the remaining fixed ideas that "sex is for men" and "a pleasure-centered act," are creating a lack of communication and misunderstandings in the bedroom.

To enjoy "sex where hearts truly connect" with your partner

The first step to enjoying sex is understanding "what you both seek in sex." Generally, it is said that there is a tendency for the following differences in consciousness between men and women.

• Elements men tend to seek: Physical pleasure, mental sense of achievement and fulfillment through the act.

• Elements women tend to seek: Confirmation of love through the act, a sense of security and intimacy.

Because what you seek is different, "wanting them to guess without having to say it" is a source of misunderstanding. This is exactly why dialogue (sex communication) is necessary.

Discussions about sex you can start today

There is no need for a serious meeting. What is important is a little bit of verbal checking in the bedroom and how you spend time after the act.

1. Checking in during play (communication in the preparation stage)

People tend to be quiet during the act, but first, let the man gently offer words of confirmation.

• "Does that hurt?" "Are you okay?"

• "Does this feel good?"

If a woman communicates that it "hurts," it is most important to never force it and to stop immediately. Accepting a woman's opinion leads to a deep sense of security and trust, as she feels, "This person really accepts what I say."

2. Pillow talk (dialogue sharing the afterglow of the act)

Pillow talk immediately after the act tends to be neglected in Japan, but it is actually the perfect timing to share each other's satisfaction and preferences.

• The first step: Start with gentle words of gratitude, such as "Thank you for today" or "That felt really good."

• Women should also share their true feelings: If you close your mouth due to embarrassment, the man may become anxious, wondering "Was it not good?" and may end up focusing on his own pleasure instead. The trick is to convey your thoughts as positive hopes, such as "I liked the way you touched me there" or "I'd like you to touch me a bit more slowly next time."

Conclusion: Sex is a "dialogue without words"

Just as you closed the distance when you first started dating by talking about your favorite music and food, sex is also about finding the comfortable form unique to the two of you while engaging in dialogue.

Sex is not merely erotica or physical pleasure, but "important communication that deepens the two's love and sense of security."

You don't need any special preparation. From the bedside tonight, why not start with just a few gentle words?

Liebe Seele Product PR

At Liebe Seele, we handle many BDSM products to make your time together richer and deeper. Blindfolds, in particular, block your vision, allowing you to sense your partner with other senses—your ears, nose, and skin—in ways you usually don't. Why not give it a try?

Click here for products →Wine Red Blindfold